24.08.2003 - 20.44
I am not okay.
after you stop crying, after your eyelids close and you have that one, first glimpse of the world undistorted by your tears, it seems clearer than ever. you're overcome with the way the light interacts with your neurons, uninterrupted for the first time, or so it seems. you soak it in and it all seems so miraculous that you can't help but feel ecstatic that you're still there, that the world you thought was ending is still turning, and you almost feel like you're ready to rise from wherever you are and stand up, and be something strong and big and proud again. the elation and confidence lights a million fires in your skull, and your mind dances with the heat of your own electricity, and your newfound power lets you embrace your own normal, your own "real," once more, and you accept it wholeheartedly, thinking all your adversity can be solved with this new power. until instinct kicks in, and you blink. and, suddenly, the clarity is gone, the world is back to how it was, with glare and piercing contrast, and that little blind spot down and to the outside, the spot where your eyeball meets the optic nerve, and the floaters and wet eyelashes remind you that such perfection of vision is only reserved for the truly delusional.
then - soon25.09.2003-Epilogue.
01.09.2003-
30.08.2003-Exeunt, the Moor.
28.08.2003-why?
27.08.2003-Last night, and august in general.